No Ambition

[prolinkain]

I am sure all of you have heard the phrase "A man without ambition is a loser...."

While we are all instructed to strive for Allah's cause in this world, there is also a worldly ambition aspect of obtaining higher education, getting a better job and furthering your career, my case has taken an odd turn.

Since i joined university, i have been a victim of depression which in turn took a heavy toll on my studies and as a result i came out with mediocre grades. This worsened my life considerably. Since then i have been doing the same job for 2 years which i fell i have gained nothing from(but Thank Allah i am at least employed), there is an insane and utter fear of doing hard work to better my situation. I know how intensely stupid that sounds but now i am approaching 30 and the situation is not getting any better. I still lack ambition or any general interest in living my life. Yet i constantly beat myself up for not doing more or performing upto my true potential. I compare myself with others who have managed to make something of themselves in their lives and i feel so invalidated by that.

1) I know i should not compare with others
2) I want to know how can i increase my ambitions in order to do more and succeed early.

Have ever been stuck in this rut? what is your story(if you'd like to tell) and how did you get out of it(Please do tell this part!)? I must do good not only for my sake but for the sake of my parents. I welcome your comments and may Allah help me.

[NNoor]

I am sure all of you have heard the phrase "A man without ambition is a loser...."

While we are all instructed to strive for Allah's cause in this world, there is also a worldly ambition aspect of obtaining higher education, getting a better job and furthering your career, my case has taken an odd turn.

Since i joined university, i have been a victim of depression which in turn took a heavy toll on my studies and as a result i came out with mediocre grades. This worsened my life considerably. Since then i have been doing the same job for 2 years which i fell i have gained nothing from(but Thank Allah i am at least employed), there is an insane and utter fear of doing hard work to better my situation. I know how intensely stupid that sounds but now i am approaching 30 and the situation is not getting any better. I still lack ambition or any general interest in living my life. Yet i constantly beat myself up for not doing more or performing upto my true potential. I compare myself with others who have managed to make something of themselves in their lives and i feel so invalidated by that.

1) I know i should not compare with others
2) I want to know how can i increase my ambitions in order to do more and succeed early.

Have ever been stuck in this rut? what is your story(if you'd like to tell) and how did you get out of it(Please do tell this part!)? I must do good not only for my sake but for the sake of my parents. I welcome your comments and may Allah help me.

In this horrible economy, you have a job, you have opportunities to improve your situation, yet you are not taking them. You need to look at other people (like moi) who are desperately looking for work and opportunities, but are denied at every turn. I would be willing to work like a dog to move ahead, but nobody is giving me a chance. The only solution I can offer you is be ashamed of yourself (no disrespect intended here), so that shame will motivate you to take advantage of your blessings while you still have a chance.

[omar2006]

I hope you read my previous posts about harmful effect of masturbation. You had written that you had stopped. If this was only recently, then know that it will take about four months to get out of the withdrawal symptoms that is associated with masturbation. Among the symptoms is lack of confidence and ambition.

I think you need to set some goal that is simple and achievable. Then when you achieve that goal, it will boost your psychological energy to take on bigger goals. I suggest exercise. You should incorporate regular exercise into your schedule that makes you sweat. Running and weight lifting is a good start. Read up on how to get started in running and weight lifting. Set small goals for running more and lifting more every week . Focus only on these two goals and work towards them. Gradually your self image and confidence will increase as you run and weight lift more; but it will take couple of months to see the effect. Once you have achieved this, maybe the first time in your life you have set a goal and achieved it, then move on to learning your religion.

I didn't suggest jumping right away to learning Islam because even this requires a healthy mindset. The best way to improve your mindset is to do lots of exercise. Then when your mindset has improved, learn about Islam. Otherwise, your mindset, which is currently depressed, will make you unreceptive to learning Islam or you will not have the ambition to act on what you have learned.

It might be that you are not inclined to listening to lectures with your current mindset. People might have probably offered you lectures before. However, I still strongly suggest that you listen to the following lectures.
http://www.yunuspatel.co.za/audio-special-sabr.php

The sincerity of speaker will, inshallah, will permeate your heart and give you hope.

Lastly, there is no magic bullet or some litany that you can read to fix your situation. You have to work hard toward your goals by adopting means and then supplicating to Allah ta'ala to make those means effective. One of the means could be getting some professional counseling. When people get flu they go to the doctor. But when someone in the Muslim society complains about lack of ambition or depression, then instead of recommending him to go to a counselor, he is either told he is irreligious or not doing enough zikr. Maybe your test in life is to deal with your depression. So first go seek some professional help, next learn your religion, and then continuously strive to please your Allah. And know that Allah ta'ala is not only the lord of people who are perfect. Rather, he even loves those who slip, BUT repent and flee towards him.

[prolinkain]

To NNoor,

I feel shame for this indeed. Inshallah may Allah grant you a halal job soon.

To omar2006,

I did indeed stop the bad habit and do not intend to going back to doing so again. As far as professional counselling goes, not much is present where i am from and I am rather skeptic about the professionals who have had western knowledge (which essentially relegates religion to a "second-identity status"). ARe there online counsellors? At least i can assured of my privacy due to anonymity.

[Abu Zakir]

1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu
3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.
4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle
5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle
6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.
8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell
10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer
11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only fear we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.
13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.
15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

I am sure all of you have heard the phrase "A man without ambition is a loser...."

While we are all instructed to strive for Allah's cause in this world, there is also a worldly ambition aspect of obtaining higher education, getting a better job and furthering your career, my case has taken an odd turn.

Since i joined university, i have been a victim of depression which in turn took a heavy toll on my studies and as a result i came out with mediocre grades. This worsened my life considerably. Since then i have been doing the same job for 2 years which i fell i have gained nothing from(but Thank Allah i am at least employed), there is an insane and utter fear of doing hard work to better my situation. I know how intensely stupid that sounds but now i am approaching 30 and the situation is not getting any better. I still lack ambition or any general interest in living my life. Yet i constantly beat myself up for not doing more or performing upto my true potential. I compare myself with others who have managed to make something of themselves in their lives and i feel so invalidated by that.

1) I know i should not compare with others
2) I want to know how can i increase my ambitions in order to do more and succeed early.

Have ever been stuck in this rut? what is your story(if you'd like to tell) and how did you get out of it(Please do tell this part!)? I must do good not only for my sake but for the sake of my parents. I welcome your comments and may Allah help me.

[prolinkain]

To Abu Zakir,

Your post was interesting and a little amusing. It reminds me strongly of the works of Tony Robbins and Leo Babauta. I don't mean to be pedantic or rude but i have heard much of this before.

I do have a question though.... Hard work is something all of us have had to do in our lives, some do it every day. If one were to take the "must have pleasure" factor out of hard work, then does it make it easier? I have worked hard before and the results have disappointed me beyond expression. To be completely numb to the very pain of knowing that it may lead to nothing? How do you do it? What is your motivation? the pull to something better or the push to avoid disaster?