My husband to be is a new Muslim

[Eimaan]

however I am not. My faith is being tested becuase I want to marry an English Muslim man. My husband to be converted to Islam earlier this year, I got him books about Islam ages ago and he finally did his shahada earlier this year. He wanted to do it for the right reasons. We want to get married and do our nikah sooner rather than later. However my family, especially my mother refuses and says adamantly he must learn how to pray his salah before she will consider our marriage. I am not a child and I am tired I just want to start my married life, life is passing me by and i'm getting older as each day goes by. Is it Islamically sound for my mother to object and how much does he have to learn before she will be happy. The imam who did the shahada said he would do our nikah but I am not happy and neither is he doing it on our own. It shouldn't be this way. What was it like for other New Muslims? Did you have it easy or have a struggle on your hands?

[abdulwahhab]

It is permissible to marry without your parents' consent but it isn't recommended and is even seen as disliked in Islam if it would hurt them. Do you have brothers? Your father (or your brothers) can use this as an opportunity to get to know the brother and help him out with the basic a'maal of Islam, such as his salah.

[Hafiz Gee]

Salam

maybe get the imam to speak to your parents?

I remember hearing a hadith soemthing along the lines of there being three things in which one should never delay

prayer at its appointed time

burying the dead after they have passed

marriage once a match has been found.

but your parents may have valid concerns. probably best to try to convince them see all of the arguments for and against, and get the imam (provided you trust, and are comfortable with him) involved.

[Acacia]

What does the groom think? Is he trying to learn to pray?

[Aram]

how long will it take him to learn to pray...like a month or two at the most if he is dedicated to it...surely you can wait that long?

i understand the concerns of your mother, i guess in a sense shes trying to test his faith to see how devoted he is to Allah before she accepts him as a husband to you

[Eimaan]

What does the groom think? Is he trying to learn to pray?

He has unfortunately been busy with his work, he has 120+ staff to look after, and he doesn't work a normal 9-5pm job. If he had a normal job without out of hours responsibilities he may have had more time to learn salah. I wish he didn't have stupid meetings, presentations and courses to teach and prepare for and having to deal with his many employee issues. I know it's a lame excuses and if he really wanted to learn he could have made a start. My brother in law is trying to persuade him to go along to the mosque with him so he can watch, learn and integrate. I sincerely hopes he doesn't shy away due to 'undue pressure'. At the moment everyone telling him he should have learned all his Salah yesterday makes him feel very pressured and cornered, which he clearly doesn't like. I don't want this to make him go the other way and refuse to learn out of whatever emotions he is feeling.

[Eimaan]

how long will it take him to learn to pray...like a month or two at the most if he is dedicated to it...surely you can wait that long?

i understand the concerns of your mother, i guess in a sense shes trying to test his faith to see how devoted he is to Allah before she accepts him as a husband to you

It's not that he can't learn it or hasn't got the brain to learn. It's him making the time and effort to learn it . A start would be nice. She believes he doesn't want to learn and he believes no matter how much he learns she will never be pleased. It's a vicious circle. It's hindering him starting to some extent.

[Eimaan]

Salam

maybe get the imam to speak to your parents?

I remember hearing a hadith soemthing along the lines of there being three things in which one should never delay

prayer at its appointed time

burying the dead after they have passed

marriage once a match has been found.

but your parents may have valid concerns. probably best to try to convince them see all of the arguments for and against, and get the imam (provided you trust, and are comfortable with him) involved.

My mum doesn't believe the imam is a genuine one. He is, he is well respected in the community. I don't know if he can speak Punjabi or Urdu as he isn't Pakistani and my mother doesn't understand much else except some English. He wouldn't be able to reassure he, I tried this but it failed.

My mother does have a valid concern and I am trying to help her overcome those concerns by encouraging him to attend the mosque and learn his Salah. I don't care how long it takes as long as he is makin an effort that is what counts? well to to some extent.

[Eimaan]

It is permissible to marry without your parents' consent but it isn't recommended and is even seen as disliked in Islam if it would hurt them. Do you have brothers? Your father (or your brothers) can use this as an opportunity to get to know the brother and help him out with the basic a'maal of Islam, such as his salah.

I wouldn't have this issue if my father was alive or if my brother was alive too, the one who was a little more outgoing. The other one is shy and wouldn't be capable of explaining much. He gets tongue tied. My brother in law has taken this duty upon himself and inshallah he will accept his generous offer and make time to attend the masjid.

[Acacia]

He has unfortunately been busy with his work, he has 120+ staff to look after, and he doesn't work a normal 9-5pm job. If he had a normal job without out of hours responsibilities he may have had more time to learn salah. I wish he didn't have stupid meetings, presentations and courses to teach and prepare for and having to deal with his many employee issues. I know it's a lame excuses and if he really wanted to learn he could have made a start. My brother in law is trying to persuade him to go along to the mosque with him so he can watch, learn and integrate. I sincerely hopes he doesn't shy away due to 'undue pressure'. At the moment everyone telling him he should have learned all his Salah yesterday makes him feel very pressured and cornered, which he clearly doesn't like. I don't want this to make him go the other way and refuse to learn out of whatever emotions he is feeling.

Fair enough sister but he is planning on marriage (and perhaps children) - this is something that is extremely important... how is it that you will ask for mehr from him (in one way, I believe mehr functions as highlighting the responsibility he is taking on even before he gets into it) and yet he has a higher duty that takes relatively less time to fulfill (as opposed to time spent with spouse) and he is resisting?

Sister... I have to say this: you are blessed with a beautiful mother who is looking out for your deen, your future. May Allah (SWT) bless every child with such parents.