Younger Sibling Behavioral Problems

**AlHannah20** · 17-05-2012, 11:42 PM

Salaamu alaikum wr wb,

Whats the best way to deal with a younger brother with horrible behavior. He's a little bit worse than the average teenage boy but not the worse case ever. Its to the point where we do not speak to each over except to relay messages from our parents to each other or if I am telling him to do something like turn the stove of our get out of our mothers room when she leaves the house. He is extremely disrespectful, calls his his sisters and baby brother derogatory names. he especially has very little respect for females, especially his sisters and mother. I have three other brothers, none of them have ever been easy at this age, but they never once showed such lo regard for there mother and sisters. The only time I ever find myself getting angry to the point where I feel my heart beating faster is when I have to deal with him and my parents are not there to back me up or my dad refuses to deal with it. When he was at school, I went through his collection of video games, he has some with sexually explicit interactions, excessive vulgarity and violence. Would it be wrong if I took them and destroyed them since they are not my property? Aside from my parents involvement, what should I do as an older sister other than telling my mother and father? I want him to change because I care about him, and there is no future in my community for a boy who behaves that way and never changes. Should I stop trying to correct him and just completely block his behavior out?

Jazakallah khair

**Acacia** · 18-05-2012, 12:08 AM

Make lots of du'aa for him; give to charity for him; regardless of his attitude towards you, make a sincere intention for the pleasure of Allah (SWT) that he makes you a wasila for your brother's guidance and try to do something small as often as you can - something that you feel he might appreciate. This clearly is also a trial for you

so try not to be hasty (easier said than done - I have a teen at home that tests me from time to time too). Alhamdulillah for these youngsters, it is through their attitude that we are given a chance to love and be patient.

As for destroying your brother's property, no matter how inappropriate it is, I don't think that it is wise for you to do this - especially at his age - your parents should deal with this. That said, definitely whenever the opportunity arises (directly or indirectly) let him know about its impermissibility but let him make the choice. He is testing boundaries and insha'Allah will cool down with some time.

Here is an excellent blog post that might help.

**AlHannah20** · 18-05-2012, 01:58 AM

Jazakallah Khair sister Acacia : )

**Shuayb Abdul-Khaaliq** · 20-05-2012, 04:52 AM

sister,

At that age and mentality, not much will get through to his head sister, so you kind of have to let him deal with it and Insha'Allah he will grow out of it. Continuing to strive to improve your own self is key and so is making plenty of dua for your entire family and specifically for your brother, especially during the time of tahajjud.

Though it is easier said than done, you will have to be extremely patient and 'put up' with his attitude and naiveness while showing him the best of ikhlaaq (manners) from your side. Melt him with kindness. It may take time but Insha'Allah

he will start to realize and correct his ways. Remember at that age, the more you try to say something to him, the bigger of a 'wall' he will keep building between you and himself. That's not to say that you shouldn't say anything to him as his older sister, but it's a delicate balance, and it just cannot be achieved without the help of Allah

, hence once again the key here is to strive to become the best Muslim you yourself possibly can, obey the commands of our Creator and follow the Sunnah of His Messenger

, and make plenty, plenty of dua all the time for your brother, entire family, and all of the Muslim Ummah & all of mankind. Insha'Allah you will start seeing positive results by the grace of Allah

.

I know of some people who were in similar situations, and by doing exactly what I explained to you above (i.e. basically following the deen themselves to the best of their abilities + making abundant dua), Alhamdulillah they have started seeing a very positive change in their families and situation, change which they did not imagine could happen before (previously astray family members are starting to make salat and 'straighten out', etc). In one person's case it took a few months, while another it took a few years. Allah knows best and He knows what's good for us and what's not.

May Allah

make it easy for you and all of us. Ameen.

**NNoor** · 20-05-2012, 09:30 AM

Sounds like he just needs a good beating.

**pluto** · 20-05-2012, 09:50 AM

If he is a teenager, get someone ask any brothers here to give him dawah, do not leave him like that, what if he gets onto bigger things (Allah forbid)..if something like that happens at my place, actually brother NNoor's advice is good if no other measure gets him to behave, but thats not how things happen at your place, so forget it.