Wife saddened that I became a Muslim

[Abdul1234]

Brother, let me reiterate; this is Not the time to be giving her books and starting up conversations about Islam or reverting.

She is hurting right now. It's like you have found another love and she feels everything from abandonment to jealousy.

Just spend extra time with her and do special loving things to show her you care about her.

Assalamu Alaikum Brother Bongo77 the above is very true, just be nice to her, be yourself but it is ok to pray salaat in front of her etc,

but make sure that you remain not only the man she married, but become a better man than you were before

let Islam's good influence upon you be your method of invitation to her, but be warm and patient like a still pleasant lake with her


PS. Definitely avoid ever giving her the books of Ahmed Deedat, they are not suitable for giving to Christians they are for arguing with Christian Missionaries etc. InshaAllah when she eventually gets round to asking you more about Islam you may benefit from the books and dvd's of Harun Yahya, they are attractive and non-challenging, likewise Fethullah Gulen and Said Nursi (ra) both have a lot of pleasant and non-challenging books published that you may benefit from.

[PouringRain]

I just wanted to agree with the above two posts from Revert2001 and Abdul1234.


P.S. Ahmed Deedat would probably be one of the last people to ever win me over to Islam.

[Usman]

Yes, leading by example is the best da'wah.

[Bongo77]

Thanks Brother, and all the brothers and sisters who have responded to my post thus far. Praying in front of her is also very distressful for her and it just doesn't go over well when she is home. I have been doing the prayers I can when she is not at home. she is frightened from the differences and I think she feels this is putting a rift between us. It hurts me that she feels hurt and confused about this, but I think I am doing what I can the best I can in this situation. It's definitely a struggle but I feel the deen of Islam in my heart and in my mind as making sense and I feel it is where I need to be. I live in a city where the population is almost 100 % protestant and catholic. Muslims have had their cars vandalized at local masjids and people are quite hostile. I know that I must bface these challenges and doubts to succeed, even though it seems impossible at times.

[Usman]

Thanks Brother, and all the brothers and sisters who have responded to my post thus far. Praying in front of her is also very distressful for her and it just doesn't go over well when she is home. I have been doing the prayers I can when she is not at home. she is frightened from the differences and I think she feels this is putting a rift between us. It hurts me that she feels hurt and confused about this, but I think I am doing what I can the best I can in this situation. It's definitely a struggle but I feel the deen of Islam in my heart and in my mind as making sense and I feel it is where I need to be. I live in a city where the population is almost 100 % protestant and catholic. Muslims have had their cars vandalized at local masjids and people are quite hostile. I know that I must bface these challenges and doubts to succeed, even though it seems impossible at times.

This is natural brother. She feels thataway BECAUSE of all the hostility she has seen against the Muslims. I'm sure she doesn't hate you, and you should tell her that. Tell her that I understand you don't hate me,rather want my betterment, and likewise.
I suggest you "do" pray in front of her whilst being nice and humble to her. Believe it or not, you're not alone in this, There are Muslims who when begin to practice ISlam, are hated upon and challenged by their own direct relatives. I am one of them , and there are many such examples, but eventually, when they feel that you're insha'Allah steadfast upon your conviction and they can't budge you, one of the two things will eventually happen. Either that hostile person will stop being a hurdle in your way, or they will end up accepting the truth as it stands.
Take the example of Syyidina Abu Sufyan Radhi Allahu anh; he spent his entire life opposing Rasoolullah SallAllahu alaihi wasallam, but eventually accepted Islam and became a pious Sahabi, Syyidina Khalid Bin Waleed Radhi Allahu anh Martyred many Sahabah in Uhud, but when he became Muslim, he was announced "Sword from amongst the Swords of God(Allah)".

Who knows, eventually insha'Allah your Wife will accept the truth. The key is patience and belief in Allah. There's an open secret, prayers.... ask Allah in the last hours of the night, before fajr, have faith in Him, have patience, everything will become easier insha'Allah.

[Revert2001]

Brother do Not pray in front of her.

Do Not start wearing so called Islamic clothes.

Try to keep things basically the same as they were before in the home and in your marriage.

Don't rush. She needs to become acclimated to your new way of thinking.

This will be a very slow process.

Believe me, I know what I am talking about.

[Abu Haitham]

Brother do Not pray in front of her.

Do Not start wearing so called Islamic clothes.

Try to keep things basically the same as they were before in the home and in your marriage.

Don't rush. She needs to become acclimated to your new way of thinking.

This will be a very slow process.

Believe me, I know what I am talking about.

Ameen to that brother. Probably the worst mistake I made with my family.

[Revert2001]

Most natural born muslims do not have a clue what reverts go thru when they accept Islam. They think since you have rejected jahillyyah and taken Islam as your religion. Your world will now be peaceful and tranquil.

Little do they know that for most reverts. They have just bought a 1st class ticket on a whirlwind of family problems, broken friendships, possible divorce, and shunning by some co-workers.

In my rough estimation; I would venture to say that about 50% of the reverts I know, both brothers and sisters, ended up divorced after they accepted Islam. I am talking about marriages where neither were muslim; but one of the spouse's reverted.


Which brings up a point for the ummah. New reverts are most vulnerable right after they revert. And that's the time where they need the most help and support.

Too many times I have seen a new shahada at the mosque given a lot of pats on the back and congratulations. Then the muslim people walk away and go back to hanging around with their little clique of friends. And the new revert is left standing alone to fiend for themselves and sort out what this religion is all about.

[Maripat]

Most natural born muslims do not have a clue what reverts go thru when they accept Islam. They think since you have rejected jahillyyah and taken Islam as your religion. Your world will now be peaceful and tranquil.

Little do they know that for most reverts. They have just bought a 1st class ticket on a whirlwind of family problems, broken friendships, possible divorce, and shunning by some co-workers.

In my rough estimation; I would venture to say that about 50% of the reverts I know, both brothers and sisters, ended up divorced after they accepted Islam. I am talking about marriages where neither were muslim; but one of the spouse's reverted.


Which brings up a point for the ummah. New reverts are most vulnerable right after they revert. And that's the time where they need the most help and support.

Too many times I have seen a new shahada at the mosque given a lot of pats on the back and congratulations. Then the muslim people walk away and go back to hanging around with their little clique of friends. And the new revert is left standing alone to fiend for themselves and sort out what this religion is all about.

That is a statement of the problem. You do get the privilege to suggest the remedy.

[Revert2001]

In our mosque immediately after Sahada the Imam will ask for volunteers to mentor the new revert.

If it's a brother who just reverted; he will direct it to the brothers. Same with the revert sisters; he will ask for sisters to be mentors.

Usually, there will be 3 or 4 people who raise their hands and offer to be the new reverts muslim mentor.

After introductions; the mentors exchange contact information with the new revert; basically phone # and e-mail addresses.

The volunteers are asked to take this responsibility very serious.

To teach them about the religion; how to pray, say Al Fatiha in arabic, how to perform wudu, etc.

Also, to introduce them to the people in the mosque; invite them to lunch or dinner, set beside them at seminars and lectures in order to explain what is being said if they have questions.

We stress this is a long term commitment of several weeks or even months; depending on the new reverts abilities and situation.