marriage problems

[ayesha78668]

Asalamalykum,

I am Ayesha and i got married on sep2 2011 my husband is in singapore he left me with his parents but before leaving he said he will call me der in singapore but now he is not even in touch with me he is not talking to me....i discussed this with my family they came asked them about this but in-laws are saying that he is talking to me everyday... he calls at home everyday he speaks to his parents and sisters but not with me........i dont understand what to do now.....my mother in law behaves very badly with me...and they are not allowing me to go to my mom's house........with frustration i asked my husband to break dis marriage... now everyone is blaming me that i have done wrong.... please suggest me

[muslimsister101]

Asalamalykum,

I am Ayesha and i got married on sep2 2011 my husband is in singapore he left me with his parents but before leaving he said he will call me der in singapore but now he is not even in touch with me he is not talking to me....i discussed this with my family they came asked them about this but in-laws are saying that he is talking to me everyday... he calls at home everyday he speaks to his parents and sisters but not with me........i dont understand what to do now.....my mother in law behaves very badly with me...and they are not allowing me to go to my mom's house........with frustration i asked my husband to break dis marriage... now everyone is blaming me that i have done wrong.... please suggest me

May Allah make things easy on you,Ameen.Try to be patient and trust in Allah to guide and show you what to do.

[abuhajira]

We understand that these marital issues can be quite traumatising and we completely sympathize with you.

A marriage is only whole when there is a complete acceptance from both the bride and groom. Without an active participation from both sides, the bond of marriage can never work. It is a shame that your husband chose to desert you in your marriage, and cut off any form of communication. It is also understandable that no one would want to remain in such a marital arrangement where the core basics of marriage are not found.

We do not know of your husband’s side of the story, hence we can only advise you based on what you have informed us. In our opinion, you should have your parents consult the situation with the in-laws and negotiate reconciliation. You should request your parents to clear any ambiguity in your relationship. You should not be left hanging, without any information of when and how you will start making a home out of this marriage.

If these negotiations fail, then you have the full right to request a khul’ from your husband. If your husband does not want to reconcile and amend his interaction in the marriage, nor does he grants you khul’, then we suggest that you approach a local Ulama body, and request them to jointly interfere and make faskh (annul) the Nikah. This annulment will be based on factual evidence of your case.
Finally, we wish to express that a marriage in which there is oppression from either party, can never be a means of barakah and blessings. Every oppression of the oppressor will be weighed against him and the oppressed will be given his full due in the court of Allah. Do not be despondent and remember that not even a thorn pricks a mu’min, except that Allah Ta‘ālā elevates sins from a person. You will be duly rewarded for all the hardships you may face in these tough times.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mufti Faisal bin Abdul Hameed,
Montréal, Canada

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.