Wa-alaykumus Salaam waRahmatullahi waBarakaatuhu dear sister,
1.) Alhamdulillah, welcome to the Forum. We too are happy to have you on this forum. Hope you find it a wonderful learning experience.
2.) “Waswasah” is extremely common. Many threads on this forum indicate that so many more are plagued by the whisperings of shaytaan.
…As my respected Shaykh would say, ‘Whispering is Shaytaan’s work … this is what he is skilled in…. And he takes pleasure in causing distress to Believers…’
So don't allow him that pleasure. Ignore the whisperings.
Insha-Allah, you will find great benefit in the prescriptions given in the book : ‘Combating the whisperings of shaytaan’.
3.) Imaan is between hope and fear. Insha-Allah, taking the steps in giving up drugs, will be a great means of establishing a healthy balance – physicaly, mentally and emotionally, and also be greatly beneficial in removing the depression.
4.) The book, “Kicking the Habit” has benefitted literally thousands, Alhamdulillah. There are excellent prescriptions and suggestions given to those who want to give up drug/smoking/gambling habits.
Insha-Allah, it will benefit you too. The link is:
5.) If any of us can be even a little assistance to you in giving up the habit and making positive changes, then it is our pleasure and happiness. Alhamdulillah.
6.) Company that we keep is most impacting on our lives – so you have to be selective of your friends and company. Hold fast to the company of pious, righteous sisters who will influence you positively in leading a spiritually, wholesome life which is free of such actions which are displeasing to Allah Ta`ala.
7.) Allah Ta’ala is Most Forgiving. My Shaykh would say that Allah Ta’ala’s Ocean of Forgiveness is so wide and expansive. It is just for us to dive in…
Allah Ta’ala informs us :
“Say : ‘O My Slaves Who Have Transgressed Against Themselves
(By Committing Evil Deeds And Sins)! Do Not Despair Of The Mercy Of Allah, Verily Allah Forgives All Sins. Truly He Is Oft-Forgiving, Most MERCIFUL.”
[Surah Zumar 39 : 53]
8.) The fact that you are hurt and sad over your actions is a sign of Imaan. Alhamdulillah.
9.) May Allah Ta’ala keep you and all of us in His Special Protection, grant us the taufeeq of sincere repentance, inspire us on the Straight Path and grant us steadfastness with each step and breath we take.
10.) Also request your duas.
Your sister in Islam
You could also contact the Madrasah (contact details are on the website http://yunuspatel.co.za) and request a set of books to be posted for you. They do so, free of charge. The whole set will, Insha-Allah, be found helpful and encouraging : http://yunuspatel.co.za/books.php