I need a bit of Islamic guidance regarding my marriage.
I have been married to my husband for over 3 years now, we live alone in our own house, the groo was off my choice but Alhumdulilla parents were involved in our marriage and to date are happily involved in our life.
After our wedding my husband changed his behaviour toward me, he constantly argues with me over nothing, will find small mistakes on everything and create a huge fuss out of it. We both are educated mashallah, he has had more success in securing a job whilst I didnt, my career is very competitive and securing a training contract proved very hard over recession. For two years after marriage I was a housewife, though I could have applied for jobs in London but decided not to as my husband didnt see why I had to travel to London and waste half my salary on traveling expenses. He earned decent salary so I didnt push for the jobs in London, I preferred keeping peace in the house.
I thought I did the right thing but my husband blames me for being a failure in life, not having a job or bringing in my share of the money. On many occasion he has accused me saying I am with him because of this money and asked me to explain household spending to him. His constant nagging over two years forced me to get a sales job (I have now been working for a year), although I was over qualified for the role I lied on my CV and hide all my qualifications to get the job. Soon after I got the job last year my husband got made redundant, even though my salary was low alhumdulilla we got by on it. I supported my husband and encouraged him whilst he was looking for another role and 3 months later he did find another job.
To cut a long story short, I fell pregnant just after my husband got his new job and naturally six months in to the pregnancy I took maternity leave. My husband didnt nag me to keep a job at the time nor did he accuse me of not bringing money in. I have now given birth, stillbirth, I lost my daughter on full term, although I remember my child everyday I have accepted this as Allah decision. I am currently still on maternity leave.
My husband has gone back to his old phase again, he will constantly remind me am a failure, am living off him, and how he only married me thinking I will be successful career woman.
I am not sure what I should do now, islamically I tried to support him as my husband but as far I know I dont even need to work and bring in money I thought that was the man's job. I dont mind working, nor in the last one year I ever stopped him from spending my salary, I always put it in the joint pot.
I dont have the strength left to listen to his taunts anymore, Allah has taken the biggest test of my life by taking my child away from me, and although I graduated with 1st class degree I like to keep my faith strong by believing Allah is just testing me by making my career path hard.
My parents are ill and I cant open up to them about all this nor can I tell anyone else in the family (of either side), can anyone guide me to anything in Islam I can follow or do to make my self surface from all this? It crosses my mind almost everyday now that I shouldnt be with a guy like him who has no respect or love for me, his greed for money and arrogance in himself is something I cant control and I hope Allah forgives him for it but surely I dont deserve this much pain do I?
Any guidance in Islam would be very helpful