Is it true that Nice Guys are not admired by women in general?

[Abu Zakir]

I read an article recently where they stated that Muslim women were expressing similar opinions to non Muslims that they dislike nice dependable guys and were more attracted to the so called 'bad boys', because of the excitement they might provide?

There has been an increase in the population of Nice Guys in the west in the past few decades, they tend to be nerdy and not very social and they are 'feminised' in some ways because they lack masculine type qualities of strength, confidence, independence etc. And women are put off by them, they prefer the Bad Boy who might show some confidence and is challenging.

[The Fake Shaykh]

Don't know specifically about that but i've seen a new trend in my community where "so called practising girls" (hint hint) are opting to marry non-bearded/non-practising brothers, and if it was a one off or a few i would not think much of it but its becoming a normal trend and its really worrying me.

I've even thought of writing to some (places) to tell them of this, it makes my heart bleed that people are choosing partners which will influence or determine their lifestyle but they are not looking at how their partners they choose and the lifestyle that is adopted could or will determine their akhirat!

[ahamed_sharif]

Alkhabeethatu lilkhabeetheena waalkhabeethoona lilkhabeethati waalttayyibatu lilttayyibeena waalttayyiboona lilttayyibati olaika mubarraoona mimma yaqooloona lahum maghfiratun warizqun kareemun



24:26 Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.

[The Fake Shaykh]

Alkhabeethatu lilkhabeetheena waalkhabeethoona lilkhabeethati waalttayyibatu lilttayyibeena waalttayyiboona lilttayyibati olaika mubarraoona mimma yaqooloona lahum maghfiratun warizqun kareemun



24:26 Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.

There's a incident of one of our elders in regards to this ayaat, i think it was Molana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (ra), where a women wrote to him complaining that she practises her deen but her husband does'nt, so does this mean that she is impure?

Molana replied that the meaning is not that, but rather it is that pure women deserve pure men, and impure women deserve impure men, and not that this is the case in reality

If someone can relate the whole incident i would be gratefull

[tommyharacho]

yes its true for many women irrespective of religion. There have been many instances of English women getting beaten up by their drug dealing/ alcohlic, etc partners and husbands and still going back to them. This has baffled social workers and police for years. It's almost always a daily occurance. Similarly there have been examples of Muslim girls getting married to pious guys (in some cases Ulama) but giving it up to run away with a drug dealer.

They've got a term for this 'condition' too, doesn't come to mind right now. Wierd huh?!


Wal khabee saatoo lil khabeeseen.....(ayat of the quran) is of this meaning.


I'm not generalising here, don't all attack me sisters.
Men do it too. Many guys get marries to reallly nice and near perfect girls but they leave them for other loose women
...........

[abdul baset]

yes its true for many women irrespective of religion. There have been many instances of English women getting beaten up by their drug dealing/ alcohlic, etc partners and husbands and still going back to them. This has baffled social workers and police for years. It's almost always a daily occurance. Similarly there have been examples of Muslim girls getting married to pious guys (in some cases Ulama) but giving it up to run away with a drug dealer.

They've got a term for this 'condition' too, doesn't come to mind right now. Wierd huh?!


Wal khabee saatoo lil khabeeseen.....(ayat of the quran) is of this meaning.


I'm not generalising here, don't all attack me sisters.
Men do it too. Many guys get marries to reallly nice and near perfect girls but they leave them for other loose women
...........

i believe the name is "stockholm syndrome"

[AbuFatimah]

in british society its definitely true, and very strange

[meelash]

I read an article recently where they stated that Muslim women were expressing similar opinions to non Muslims that they dislike nice dependable guys and were more attracted to the so called 'bad boys', because of the excitement they might provide?

There has been an increase in the population of Nice Guys in the west in the past few decades, they tend to be nerdy and not very social and they are 'feminised' in some ways because they lack masculine type qualities of strength, confidence, independence etc. And women are put off by them, they prefer the Bad Boy who might show some confidence and is challenging.

How would a woman not be put off by a "feminized" man? That's a good thing. The opposite of feminine man is not gangster, drug dealer.

Secondly, if a woman is going around looking at the men on her own and deciding who is a "nice boy" and who is a "bad boy," then you don't want that woman anyway. So her opinion is irrelevant. Rather spend your time finding a woman who is lowering her gaze, going through the Islamic channels for finding marriage, and iA 100% of those women will have piety be the first thing they're looking for.

Finally, what kind of a useless subject to write an article about! Is there a Muslim cosmo now or something?

[amr123]

I want snacks. :/

[Abu Zakir]

How would a woman not be put off by a "feminized" man? That's a good thing. The opposite of feminine man is not gangster, drug dealer.

Secondly, if a woman is going around looking at the men on her own and deciding who is a "nice boy" and who is a "bad boy," then you don't want that woman anyway. So her opinion is irrelevant. Rather spend your time finding a woman who is lowering her gaze, going through the Islamic channels for finding marriage, and iA 100% of those women will have piety be the first thing they're looking for.

Finally, what kind of a useless subject to write an article about! Is there a Muslim cosmo now or something?

Yes my OP was really asking that should young men stop being such 'nice guys' and be a bit more assertive and confident, and should women be aiming for a different type of husband.

I got it from here:
http://muslimvillage.com/2012/06/10/...is-not-enough/

To be fair it does say many young Muslim guys want a famous American celebrity type wife as well. If all this is true we are in huge trouble as an ummah I think.

From the above link:
I’ve actually heard from sisters, who have said to me, “Sister Hosai, he’s an amazing guy, I know he’ll be a wonderful husband and father, and I have no complaints otherwise…it’s just…it’s just that I don’t feel butterflies when I’m around him!” or “We don’t have any ‘chemistry.’” or …”He’s TOO nice and that turns me off!”

These are girls who are practicing their faith, they’re pious sisters otherwise, but they actually have turned away prospects for “being too nice”! Why? Because “nice guys” finish last in Hollywood, don’t they? They’re often portrayed as the weak, nerdy, geeky types; in other words, the monogamous ones who actually want a relationship! Who wants that when the “Hero” of the film drives up in a leather jacket on a motorcycle and has all the girls swooning over him? Yeah that guy is real marriage material!