Salaam brothers and sisters.
I write this post as my first of Insha'Allah many and I'd like to start of with a warning. This is a bit of a rant against life, against my past, against my mosque, against my failings in life...bear with me.
My background is from Azad Kashmir. I've lived in east London all my life and my mosque is Sultan Bahu Trust, in Upton Park E13. (Anyone know it?)
I am a Sunni Hanafi, brelvi (i think!) and we also follow Ahle Sunnat Wal Jam'aat. My Qiblah Peer saab is Pir-o-Murshid Sultan Fiaz-ul-Hassan Sarwari Qadri.
Up until last year, I was one big sinner. Not so much drinking/drugs but more Zina. I had very very very little faith in Islam and would never pray. I didn't even know how to pray! For Eid namaaz and or jummah namaaz I'd make up the namaaz as I went along, astagfurullah. I didn't know much about Islam, nor did I care for it.
My Imaan was at its weakest it had ever been...up until June 2011 when I had a very very bad motorcycle accident and was left critically ill and in hospital for 6 weeks. My friend, who was sitting behind me on the motorbike had passed away and it was during that time that I had awoken to the light of Islam. To Allahs call. I woke up and realised what I had been doing wrong all my life and Alhamdulilah, I realised the error of my ways and I'm slowly, trying to make ammends for it. I've still got a massive way to go but Insha'Allah my imaan will increase, my sins will decrease and I'll live my life following the sunnah.
Before my accident, why was my imaan so weak? Why could I not even do Wudhu properly? Why did I pretend and go along with 'fake' namaaz? Why is it I can't read a single letter of Arabic? I was out of touch with Islam and out of touch with my beliefs completely. Shaytaan had me under the thumb. Zina was the one thing that I couldn't resist committing.
My mosque, from a young age left me running AWAY from Islam. I hated everyday at mosque. I hated the beats that you'd get for doing anything wrong. It was instilled in me that Islam is a cruel religion. Run away from pain, from being humiliated in front of your friends for not learning your sub'ak etc. They taught me NOTHING in terms of why we fast, why we celebrate the birthday of rasool'Allah saww or even what any part of the Quran meant. I was muslim by name yes, but I knew nothing about Islam.
I'm annoyed. I'm frustrated. I'm upset. Why did it come to me nearly dying for me to wake up and see Islam in the way that I should always have viewed it? Why didn't I see the signs of Islam before my accident?
So I'm slowly trying to learn the Islam that my mosque never taught me and never taught most my friends. Why are the youth of Islam so out of touch? This is something that needs to be fixed. I never had any english speaking moulana's at the mosque to converse with, to confide in, to learn from and thus is the new generations biggest problem.