"He's just a good Muslim, there's nothing else to him"

**ABU THAR** · 03-08-2012, 01:54 PM

The primary condition that we should look for is a 100% practising muslim, however lifestyle and mannerisms even within the muslims differ from place to place-culture to culture without being un islamic at all. Therefore those wishing to marry out of their own race need a lot of maturity, perseverance and open mindedness. Those who oppose it simply because of "family image" or "keeping our culture", they have gone beyond the boundries and deserve severe criticism, without the critics being disrespectful. Their idea is un islamic and totally irrational. By the way for those who adore white women, i`ve seen alot (since i`m living amongst them) they`re absolute KHBEETHAAT-the non muslim ones. if they were brought up as muslims than Nurun ala nur

**ABU THAR** · 03-08-2012, 02:04 PM

The primary condition should be 100% practising muslim. However people from different cultures and places have different lifestyles. Therefore despite being good muslims there might be huge differences. Those wishing to inter-marry (cultures) should be filled with tolerance & maturity.
Our greatest heritage is islam, not our culture. Shame on those muslims who have switched the two around. With regards to marrying non muslims, i live amongst them, a pre-dominantly white area, and trust me 80% or more of them are khabeethat in every sense of the word. Yes if they (whites) had an islamic upbringing than it will be completely different.

**Revert2001** · 03-08-2012, 02:59 PM

This culture first thing over Islam among many muslims is like a disease.

I wanted to marry a muslimah that I had known for 4 years.

Her father and brother knew me and had performed salat next to me at the masjid many times.

When I sent a brother to talk to them on my behalf.

They said No and refused to meet with me.

Because I was not from their country or their tribe; plus, I was of a different race.

It was a devastating experience to say the least.

**Servant.of.Allah** · 03-08-2012, 10:28 PM

This is not a valid reason.

not only them many Muslims have become like that

**PursuitOfKnowledge** · 04-08-2012, 09:52 AM

Originally Posted by Revert2001

This culture first thing over Islam among many muslims is like a disease.

I wanted to marry a muslimah that I had known for 4 years.

Her father and brother knew me and had performed salat next to me at the masjid many times.

When I sent a brother to talk to them on my behalf.

They said No and refused to meet with me.

Because I was not from their country or their tribe; plus, I was of a different race.

It was a devastating experience to say the least.

I'm very sorry to hear that this happened to you. I pray that Allah finds you a Muslim wife who will be even better for you than the one you were hoping to marry.

Originally Posted by nauk

Just being muslim isn't enough.

In what ways are you suggesting that "just" being a good Muslim would make someone deficient?

**Younes** · 04-08-2012, 01:19 PM

Originally Posted by PursuitOfKnowledge

In what ways are you suggesting that "just" being a good Muslim would make someone deficient?

As-salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

I don't think that's what he meant. Even if two people are good Muslims, it does not necessarily mean that they should get married or that the marriage will be a good one. Case in point the marriage of Zaynab bint Jahsh (ra) and Zaid bin Harithah (ra). Great Muslims but not such a succesfull marriage. There's a lot more to a marriage than that. I think that's what he is saying.

**PursuitOfKnowledge** · 08-08-2012, 05:07 AM

^That point is fair, but the main point of my thread, that culture should not take on an importance even comparable to Islam, still stands.

**ilmun-noor** · 08-08-2012, 03:24 PM

Originally Posted by Younes

As-salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

I don't think that's what he meant. Even if two people are good Muslims, it does not necessarily mean that they should get married or that the marriage will be a good one. Case in point the marriage of Zaynab bint Jahsh (ra) and Zaid bin Harithah (ra). Great Muslims but not such a succesfull marriage. There's a lot more to a marriage than that. I think that's what he is saying.

Salaam, Please could you shed light on the part in bold, as this is something knew to me. What do you mean by not so successful?

**athique** · 28-09-2012, 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by Aram

I think some of the older generation when you speak to them about things such as marrying out of race etc i know deep down they know there shouldn't be an obligation on people to marry within the same race.....but then they just become stubborn because they think that if i permit this how will the rest of the community look upon me..it becomes about keeping a good reputation within the community than doing what is correct islamically

Assalamu Alaikkum everyone. You guys are talking about the elders interfering in marriage proposals. In my case, its beyond that. They continue to influence even after marriage. They want me to do all the culture related functions which have no basis in Sunnah. For instance baby shower (alhamdulillah, my wife is pregnant right now). I told them i am not interested. You know what, they just wont accept. They use statements like, "this is the right procedure", "you are not doing any haraam", "you cant put down the wishes of a pregnant women". If they cant convince me, they tell my wife, "wearing bangles is good for the child", "making dua during baby shower is good for the child", and they even go to the extent like "your husband doesnt know things, you should explain to him". And then i have my wife telling me, "its done everywhere" blah blah blah. Its not that i reject all wishes of my wife, its not that i dont want people to ask dua for the welfare of the child in womb, its not that i dont want her to wear bangles. They want me to keep a big feast, invite so many people for something that is not even a Sunnah!?

People in my community are unbelieveable. They dictate how i should run my family, and that irritates me. May Allah keep me on the straight path and give me patience. Alhamdulillah.

Edit: Sorry for going off-topic (from talk about marriage)

**muminah** · 28-09-2012, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by athique

Assalamu Alaikkum everyone. You guys are talking about the elders interfering in marriage proposals. In my case, its beyond that. They continue to influence even after marriage. They want me to do all the culture related functions which have no basis in Sunnah. For instance baby shower (alhamdulillah, my wife is pregnant right now). I told them i am not interested. You know what, they just wont accept. They use statements like, "this is the right procedure", "you are not doing any haraam", "you cant put down the wishes of a pregnant women". If they cant convince me, they tell my wife, "wearing bangles is good for the child", "making dua during baby shower is good for the child", and they even go to the extent like "your husband doesnt know things, you should explain to him". And then i have my wife telling me, "its done everywhere" blah blah blah. Its not that i reject all wishes of my wife, its not that i dont want people to ask dua for the welfare of the child in womb, its not that i dont want her to wear bangles. They want me to keep a big feast, invite so many people for something that is not even a Sunnah!?

People in my community are unbelieveable. They dictate how i should run my family, and that irritates me. May Allah keep me on the straight path and give me patience. Alhamdulillah.

Edit: Sorry for going off-topic (from talk about marriage)

What's wrong with having a baby shower?