Non-Muslim friends

[Curious Observer]

Someone said that it is haram to have 'really close' non-Muslim friends. Does that mean I have to avoid making good close friends when interacting with non-Muslims?

I understand it when it can be refered to when a Muslim has lost his path as the result of becoming too Non-Muslim (if you know i mean) due to his close interactions with Non-Muslims.

But to be honest, i dont...specify what kinda of people I try to make friends with, nor do i specify the ones I get close to. It just happens. My close friends, we talk about everything and anything, and sometimes regarding Islam in general. I interpret them as close friends because they know me well, and that I feel more comfortable around them e.g. i can talk to them freely and not be afraid to express myself. That's how they see it to on their side aswell.

But i dont think Non-Muslim friends have changed my perception of life and its things. Why would they? Most of us (me and them) think alike, and thats why we get along. We share alot opinions.

I dont have too many close Muslim friends, fate? I dont know why, but i guess it just hasn't hit off with some of them. I say some of them because i can think of a few when i type this - and they weren't that opening or friendly to be honest.

My close friends, i would say about 5 of them, are of several skin colours and races and faiths. We dont really question each other's faiths as a sign of respect. (We mainly argue about sports lol). And they dont interfere with my religious practises or perceptions, so how does my relationship with them become haram?

Like i said, if our relationships did collide with our faiths - then we'd all conclude that its a sinful relationship! But it doesn't. We've known each other for atleast 7 years and our parents are friends and i cant comprehend that we'd one day just not..talk.

It'd just cause more segregation in our society - yet again due to our faiths. It doesnt say in the Quran we cant make friends, and it doesn't specify what type of friends we should go for - except those who collide with our faith. Atleast, that's my understanding.

So in conclusion, my relationship with all my friends - close or whatever, does not relate to my faith. It's black and white really.

[godilali]

It have been taught the word in the Quran is wali , meaning "protecting friend," not friend in general.

[Curious Observer]

What does that mean and what is the relation to the subject lol

[Omar HH]

Assalam `Alaykum wa Rahmatallahi ta`ala wa Barakatahu,

First of all a good du`a for Muslim friends is Rabbi Habli min as-Saliheen.

Second of all do da`wah on non-Muslims and you will have Muslim friends.

Now onto the fiqh:

According to the Maliki school from Shaykh `Ali al-`Iraqi:

It depends of the degree of befrending them. If they are preferred to Muslims then it is haram. Also, the conditions of living in a no Muslim country affect the ruling.
And Allah knows best. One should not make the non Muslim their intimate friends and should not prefer to befriend non Muslims rather that Muslims. That is haram. But to befriend them knowing that they are lower than Muslims and without reaching a degree of intimacy it is halal. Makruh is to befriend them believing that they are in the same level of Muslim.
And Allah nows best

Sidi Ali Laraki

The guideline for this matter is the following one:

Allah has allowed us to have non Muslim wifes. A wife is basically an intimate friend. Our fiqh has made makruh to marry a non Muslim wife if we are to live in non Muslim land because she may influence the children that we will have with her and make them follow her Deen and reject Islam. But it is allowed to marry them if we are in Muslim lands because we have the upper hand there.

An intimate frien is the one you share with him your secrets. You have to see how exposed are you and your Deen when befrending non Muslims. You have to explane a specific situation in order to see if the ruling is haram or makruh. Basically if befriending the non Muslim will make you fall in a haram situation the it is haram. If it opens an indirect door to make you fall in a haram situation then it is maruh. If not, then it is permitted.

And Allah knows best
Sidi Ali

Bismillah

If this non Muslims are your relatives and you eat with them with the intention of strengthening your family ties with them then it is not haram.
If this non Muslims are your work colleages and avoiding them may harm your work situation, then it i not haram to eat with them.
If this non Muslim are people to whom you are doing daawa and you expect from them to hear the word of Allah then it is not haram to eat with them.
In other that these situations or similar it is makruh to befriend non Muslim, and eating with them is a way of befriending them.
And all this is applicable if they are not drinking alcoholic beverages in which case it is haram to sit with them.

And Allah knows best.
Sidi Ali Laraki

So specifically how far does the intimacy have to go to make it haram?
It is haram when you inform them about your weaknesses and the weaknesses of the Muslims.

The makruh is what I don't understand - "believing they are of the same level of a Muslim" does this mean you give them the same rights of a Muslim friendship but still consider them lower than Muslims and perfer Muslims to non-Muslims?

That means that you believe that to befriend a non Muslim is as good as to befriend a Muslim.
And Allah knows best.

[Curious Observer]

I know Non-Muslims who act more decent than some 'muslims. So if the definition of "better" in this context is that of behaviour and not simply your faith, then my non-Muslim friends are as equal to any of my Muslim friends. We're just kids. We dont drink or take drugs or do anything that is illegal in law terms or in religious terms.

Intimacy? I assume you're assuming girls in our group? Nope. The girls (females) in our school are so aggressive you wouldn't want to breathe the same air as they do!

But i talk to all my friends, muslim and non-muslim about the same things, just normal chatter in our free time and school work when we have school!

We're not relatives, like i said, they're of different races and colour and faiths. All different, yet so alike.

A friend of mine, Muhamed (17), he has a friend called Jordan, he's Jewish, they've known each other since they were small children growing up and they act like brothers. They sometimes sleep over with each other and do everything together. Muhamed's mother is totally fine with it - she even said that Jordan is good influence on Muhamed! Not in religious terms ofcourse, but in social terms. With Jordan, Muhamed doesn't get in trouble.

[Omar HH]

I had a friend since I was 3. I grew up with him all my life. I turned 18 years old. He went with me to the mosque one day and met this good Muslim brother. He said the Shahada and now he's Muslim.

I had another friend since I was like 7. I also grew up with him. He also became Muslim.

May Allah reward the brothers that guided them.

A Muslim is a high status with Allah. A Muslim is a higher status than a non-Muslim. Belief is more than unbelief. Wa Bi Allahil Tawfiq wal Hamdulilah,

OMar.

[Omar HH]

Steps of Effective Da`wah:

1) Explain the basics of Islam
2) Explain what Islam is and entails
3) Do everything gradually and slowly
4) Explain all the good alluring things about Islam
5) Explain the doctrine about Jesus `Alayhis Salam
6) Explain the good sayings of the Prophet Sal Allahu `Alayhi wa Sallim
7) Keep showing the good things about our Prophet Sal Allahu `Alayhi wa Sallim
8) Keep metioning really good things about our Prophet Sal Allahu `Alayhi wa Sallim - his teachings and practice especially the merciful things he did, how he reformed the culture, how in Islam women get the husband's money, etc.

Step by step remember.

9) After the person has a good view about the Prophet Sal Allahu `Alayhi wa Sallim that he believes he is a Prophet (Sal Allahu `Alayhi wa Sallim). And that he leaves the Chrisitan view of Jesus (`Alayhis Salatu was Salam) being God - then say to him:

Do you believe that there is none worthy of worship except God? That there is One God? That there is no god but God?

Then say "do you believe in all the Prophets from Adam to Muhammad?" (Sal Allahu `Alayhi wa Sallim)

If he replies yes to both questions say "well then your a Muslim why don't you just say it - then teach Shahada

The preceding way to become Muslim (the bold) was done by Shaykh Sayyid al-Habib Ali Jifri on a non-Muslim who became Muslim. I have personally seen this technique work 3 different times on 3 seperate new Muslims (may Allah reward the brothers who did that). If you know anyone who you think doesn't need steps 1-8 then try it and insha Allah get some new Muslims.

Wa Jazakallahu ta`ala Khayrun.

[Omar HH]

The rules of the Maliki school were already stated and you can judge with them. Or consult a Hanafi `Alim. Wa Jazakallahu Khayrun.

[Curious Observer]

So, basically convert them? Well, i've explained all those things in generality gradually before when the question was asked or a matter related to it. I dont want to put them in a position where they feel "if i dont convert, i lose him as a friend". Conversion, is a sensitive issue for me. I always look at it from their point of view, how would I feel if a Christian friend tried to convert me?

It's unfair and so i will not even consider to sit down with them and lay the facts down and make them decide or whatever. If they feel curiousity and would like to know more, they can come to me and ask anything - they already know this.

They wouldn't even consider conversion with me. None of us would because its disrespectful to the other's faith when you put them in that position. I wont make them decide between their faiths and their friendship.

Like you said Omar, your friend came with you to the Mosque out of curiousity and then became fascinated. But a few of my friends have strong religious backgrounds so....do you understand what i mean?

[Omar HH]

First of all I didn't make the rules Allah did.

Slowly slowly give the message. Don't be a missionary. If they want to accept Islam they will.

The rules are the following from my understanding - for the Maliki school:

A non-Muslim friend which is perfered to a Muslim friend - this is Haram and Sinful.
A non-Muslim friend which is told your weaknesses or the weaknesses of the Muslims - this is Haram and Sinful.
A non-Muslim friend which directly exposes you to the haram - this is Haram and Sinful
A non-Muslim friend which is not told your secrets, your weaknesses, or the weaknesses of Muslims - this is disliked?

Remember these 4 guidelines:
Do not perfer them to Muslims
Do not tell them your weaknesses or the weaknesses of Muslims
Do not let them get you directly into the haram
Do not tell them your secrets.

Now go back and re-read the post I posted. I am just summarizing it and Allahu `Alam.